So, my choice was this: accept God's invitation to love my father or retreat to the desires of my human nature. In all honesty, as a woman trusting in Christ, there was no choice at all. God has called me to be loving and very clearly reiterated this message (again) through my prayer partner. Now, I had to find the courage to call my father and reestablish a relationship.
I prayed for guidance for one week, trying to formulate what I would say and gaining the nerve I needed to dial. While I was out alone the weekend following God's intervention through the prayer partner, I decided I couldn't wait to call my father any longer. I needed to trust God's will. So, I dialed. The message I received said the caller could not be reached. Maybe I shouldn't be calling him.... Was God telling me that this wasn't the right time to reach out to my dad? I began to dial another number to reach him, 5...2...and then my phone went black. That's never happened before. Same thing occurred when I tried again. And before I finished thinking that it might be God stopping me from calling I realized it was probably the exact opposite. I had tried three times to call my father, at this point, and each time I failed to reach him. And you know my heart was pounding at each attempt. This wasn't God, this was Satan, trying to keep me from following through with God's will and attempting to consume me with fear instead.
I took a deep breath and resolved to try once more. The phone completed dialing this time and my father's voice emitted from the phone. It was a hard conversation for me, my dad pleasant and grateful, but I didn't feel loving, yet. I prayed again, all week, for guidance and the ability to show love. By our second conversation this weekend, I felt it. My dad is my dad, the Lord chose him as my earthly father, and I only get one. God has designed this path for my father and I and I must trust Him, no matter what joys or trials result from His will.
Thank you for my earthly father and answering my prayers. Please guide us both in reestablishing our relationship. Show us how to be loving to one another and help me to trust Your plan, in all circumstances. In Your Son's name, Amen.