Ashley Ashcraft
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    • Hope In Marriage
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Redeemed: A Memorial Service for my Father

4/6/2016

12 Comments

 
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​I want you to think about this post as a memorial service for Al Ross. Let it be a place for us to gather in spirit. Think about the loved ones you would hug upon entering the church doors.  Imagine the faces that would be next to you and found across the room. Picture the musical performers at the alter in front of you. Find a quiet time and place where you can be present with us and join me in remembering and celebrating Albert John Ross. Welcome, and thank you for coming. 
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(If you receive my posts via email, please visit Our Faithful Home to see the videos and music included below)

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"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person; he believed in me."--​Jim Valvano


Musical Prelude


Opening Prayer

Dear God,
Thank You for allowing Al's family and friends to gather around the world in remembrance of his life, the one You created. We ask You to be with us during this time. Place Your hand of comfort and peace upon us and flood our souls with grace. Help us to celebrate Al's life in a way that honors him and his contributions to our lives. We thank You for giving us this man and eagerly await our reunion with him in Heaven. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Video of Al's Life 

After my father's passing I longed to sit down and scatter all of my pictures of him across the floor, spending time with each memory. Unfortunately, we are currently in between military stations and our personal belongings are in storage. As such, I don't have all the pictures and videos of my dad that I would like to in order to fully document his life. My mom sent me a box of pictures from home, and I had a few images on my computer, which I was able to use to compose this film. Once we have our household goods unpacked, I would love to edit this montage to include his baby pictures, childhood, siblings, time in the Army, his wedding to my mom, Travis' birth and graduation from Basic Training, and when he first met his grandson. My dad appreciated black and white photography (a love I inherited), so all of the images have been filtered to his liking.  Now, let's take a look back at Al's life. 
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Eulogy 

If you're reading this and you didn't have the pleasure of knowing Al Ross, you're about to meet the man who I called Dad. Actually, in my teens and young adult life, people close to my father told me that I never really knew my dad. I missed out on the best of his personality because it was jaded by several unsuccessful back surgeries, which led to addiction, which led to a lifetime of challenging circumstances. I've decided not to pretend that my dad's story was a perfect one. God allowed his struggles for a purpose, and we may never know the reasons while we're here, but they make up my dad's story. One of love and forgiveness. I am eternally grateful for the life of my father, for through him, I have learned to practice and offer both.   

During the difficult years, m
y family often reminisced on his true nature: funny, witty, athletic, sociable, and charming. However, I can vividly recall exactly that man from my early childhood.  I remember our daddy-daughter dates, trips to the movie store, dancing with him on the coffee table, and his wildly magical stories at bedtime. I recall him telling me "I love you" every single day and showering me with praise in all of my endeavors. He was a proud daddy and happily flaunted his lack of humbleness in that area. He made sure I knew that he supported me and believed in me at each stage of my life, whether it was my ten year old aspirations to be an olympic track star, or my career as an educator, or my desire to move across the country and marry a man in the military. 

As I grew up, his light dimmed; yet, pieces of who God designed my dad to be would float to the surface and shimmer ever-so brilliantly. I heard it in his voice each time he heard mine on the other end of the phone. I experienced it when we sat down to play a family game, his competitiveness taking over the pain.  And most of all, I saw it when he interacted with Adeline, making her giggle as a baby and teaching her to play pool as a little girl.  I know exactly who the Lord intended him to be and I cannot wait to embrace that man as I enter Heaven's gates one day. 

Since his death, I have been overwhelmed with peace understanding that as a believer in Christ, my dad is redeemed. Regardless of his past, his chains are broken (Hallelujah!) and he is free. How exhilarating is that fact?! That no matter what failures sit in our past, we are promised forgiveness, and washed clean of our sins. There is true comfort knowing that my Father in Heaven loves my father on Earth so intimately that He was willing to sacrifice His one and only Son so that my dad could spend eternity in Heaven with Him. After all, my dad was created in God's image and sent to this world for a unique reason that only he could fulfill. My dad was worth the sacrifice--you are worth the sacrifice! In this life, it is all too easy to get caught up in  judgment and personal assault, losing sight of that knowledge--the reality that each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made, purposed, and desperately loved by the Creator.  

During this Easter season, I spent a lot of time teaching Adeline about the true meaning of the holiday. She learned that while Jesus was nailed to the cross he asked God to forgive his persecutors because they did not know what they were doing. Separately, Addie and I learn a new Bible verse together each week. Last week she chose Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." During our study of that Scripture, she connected the idea to the cross, reminding me that Jesus asked God to forgive the men who put him there.  From the heart of my daughter and the mouth of Christ, I challenge you to forgive. And love instead. If Jesus can forgive what was done to Him, and we are to walk in a way pleasing to Him, then we should do the same. Let's show each other the kindness that God commands. That would bring my dad true peace and happiness, if he could be one to foster mercy and spread the action of love. In memory of my dad's life, would you be willing to do just that? Is there someone you need to forgive? Then do it, simply. Or, is there an act of love you need to show? It doesn't have to be grandiose, only genuine. Think about it. Pray on it. Act. 

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." --Colossians 3:12-14


Scripture Reading
Matthew 11:25-30

25 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. 26 Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do. 27 “All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Message 

Adeline is a prayer warrior. If you’re reading this, she has probably prayed for you by name, and you’d have no idea. The Lord constantly brings people and circumstances to her mind and she amazes me with her powerful, pointed prayers. She has always displayed a wisdom and thoughtfulness that is far beyond her age, and that is evidenced in the prayer life of my little three year old daughter. There is one person who she has diligently prayed for more than any other—her Poppy. Yes, she heard me pray for him daily, but on her own accord she prayed for him even more, for his physical healing and salvation. I recall one time when she very matter of factly told me, “Poppy loves Jesus.” Matthew 11:25 says that God speaks to our children, revealing to them what is kept from the wise and learned. I sincerely believe that God assured Addie of my dad’s love for Christ, and I think she sensed it from her time with my father. Ever since she was a child she was drawn to him and the two shared a unique closeness that didn’t make worldly sense to me, but now I see that in fact, it was a bond that transcended this place. 

I believe Adeline also played a part in giving my dad a reprieve from his pain. This past December, he called sounding like he must have when he was 20 years old—youthful and jubilant. He woke up with no pain and didn’t even need to take his medication. We made sure to visit him that day, and I watched as the dad of my childhood emerged to play with his grandchildren. I filmed him most of that afternoon, unsure if we would ever get another day like that with him again. Over and over, my dad thanked Adeline for praying for him and asked her to continuing doing so. He knew the power in her prayers, too.  Through prayer and acceptance, Adeline and Lincoln brought out the man God created. And through his actions and conversations, I know our time with him in his last days led him to both gentleness and humbleness in heart (verse 29) After 66 years, he can finally rest in the arms of our Savior (verse 28). 

Personal Reflection 

To my dear Children,

There is a man you may never remember
One who called you his 
Although you might not recall his life, you are here because he was 
Your individuality exists because it is pieced together with his 
Adeline, you bear his curls, his fire, his charisma
Lincoln, you were gifted his height, loving nature, and light 
You come from the nations of his ancestors
You are Italian. You are Irish. You are His

He held each of you in his arms, awed by your presence and perfection
Adeline, you smiled brilliantly in his sight
Lincoln, you stared quizzically at his caper
You may see an unfamiliar flash of his face as memory flickers
Or find him while you slumber
But you will not know him here

Until he envelops you in Heaven, you will come to know him through my eyes
My eyes, that first fell upon him while he cradled my tiny, blanketed body
My hands, that curled around his while he proudly claimed me as his first
My tears, that were calmed only by the familiarity of his voice
My arms, held out to his constant embrace
My legs, born to run alongside him
My heart, destined to be tested, refined, and perfected through him 

Perseverance, compassion, honesty, gentleness, and forgiveness
These virtues he bestowed upon me through a life of loving him
He taught me grace
He taught me mercy
He taught me acceptance 
He taught me to walk like Jesus
He taught me God's greatest command
To love 
He taught me in ways unconventional
but God used him to teach me still

He was mischievous since birth
Charismatic to the core
A twinkling, trouble-making, rabble-rouser 
He begged for a fight, dared one to challenge
Yet, a gentleness tinged his soul
An animal-loving, garden-tending, care-taking man
He was a master with words
Eloquent and genuine
An expert in the art of persuasion 
He was a boxing-watching, Steeler-rooting, pool-playing man
Superstitious and devoted 
A competitor desperate to win
He was an entertainer at heart
Dramatic and charming 
An enchanted storyteller who transported
He was a miracle-seeking, God-pleading, praying-to-Gram man
yearning for healing that never came in this place

Now, a man finally free, falling into the arms of Christ 

His parents named him Albert
I call him Dad
You know him as Poppy
God calls him Redeemed 


Final Words

Thank you for joining me to remember Al's life. I want to remind you of my challenge: offer forgiveness or an expression of love, in memory of my father. Think on it. Pray about it. Act. Help me to continue my father's legacy in a positive, purposeful, powerful way. Let's start the love right here and now; please leave a comment below or send me a private message including a favorite memory you have of Al or what you loved most about him. Reading your stories has been a significant part of our healing, thank you!

Closing Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, 
Thank you for my father and this time to celebrate his life. In him, You created a man who loved deeply, overflowing our most basic human desire, and teaching us to love others well. Lord, he struggled in the world, but that is true for each and every one of us. You know that we are sinners, but You love us so much that you sent Your Son to cover our sins and wash us clean. We praise You, that if we choose to invite Jesus into our heart, we will be welcomed into Heaven's gates and greeted by the fearfully and wonderfully made Albert Ross. Until we meet my dad in Heaven, please give us the courage to live a life according to Your will, one that would make Al proud. I pray this in Jesus' name, Amen. 

Musical Postlude 


Obituary 

To view Al's obituary please click the button below 
Al's Obituary
12 Comments
Emily Barna
4/7/2016 03:10:51 pm

Ash & Tim: Though I didn't have the chance to meet your dad, I sure enjoyed learning about him through your beautiful words. I'm so sorry for your loss, but am sure that you are going to carry his legacy on and share it with your kids and generations to come. :) Hope you guys are well! Sending love from AZ. <3 Em & the Barnas

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Meg Basinger
4/7/2016 05:19:11 pm

Dear Ashley & Tim,

Ashley that was a beautiful tribute to your Dad. I remember when he called me after my Dad died and
told me charming and funny stories to make me smile. Please know you and your family are in our prayers. We can't wait for you to move closer to
have family within driving distance.
Much love,
Meg & John

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Marianne Hutson
4/7/2016 05:40:41 pm

Ashley, Tim, and family :
I sat outside on the deck and enjoyed the entire content of your Memorial of your Dad. Matthew 11:28-30 has always been one of my favorite verses. As I watched the video, there were a couple things I noticed, the eye to eye contact you and your Dad had (love eyes), how happy he was when he was with his family, and boy, Adele looks just like you as a child. She is gifted as a prayer warrior and you are encouraging her. THAT IS A MIGHTY GIFT! PRAISE GOD! Your Dad loved his grandchildren, that was very evident. I hope you are able to bring all your tears, fears, and unrest before our Heavenly Father, Abba, and you will find rest. God bless you guys.

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Tammy Anthis
4/7/2016 06:19:24 pm

Ashley I never knew your dad but just need to tell you this is a beautiful memorial of him. Looking at the pictures I can see the love you both had for each other and the love he had for your children. I love how you are helping Adline learn to be a prayer warrior.
Thanks for sharing this and challenging us to forgive. I have being dealing with this issue with a family member and me forgiving them. I constantly ask God to help me with this issue.

Love and prayers to you and Tim and your wonderful children.

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Lorri Salerno
4/7/2016 06:23:33 pm

Ashley Shannon shared your beautiful blog and tribute to your dad Al with me, and as I read it with many tears and yet many wonderful memories of your father I am so proud that you have given us these memories to remember him by. He was such a caring and kind man and great father to you and Travis and we have so many memories of you kids growing up. I will always remember him with his little white dog driving in the car wherever he went:) I am sure your children loved their grandpa and your daughter sure got his curly hair from him. Just know he was loved by many and we are saying many prayers for your family! God Bless Love the Salernos🙏

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Nicole Williams
4/7/2016 07:47:03 pm

Ashley and Family,
That was a beautiful tribute to you father, your words were so poignant and eloquently written. My Uncle Al was the definition of charismatic, I have fond memories of laughter and love. I remember like it was yesterday your parents being the first to the hospital when McKenna was born, and his tender and loving words about parenthood and the amazing journey we were about to embark on. You and Travis were truly the light of his world. May you find comfort and peace his suffering is no longer. I am grateful to have a new angel watching over all of us, and one that will guide us through this life with humor and humility.
All my love,
Nikki

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Sara Luker
4/7/2016 10:16:40 pm

Ash that was a beautiful tribute. I'll never forget when he would put on the monster mask during our slumber parties and chase us around the house. He knew I was terrified and would let me be his 'partner'. There was a spark that would light up his spirit as soon as he got around little ones and my heart is happy that he was able to share that with Addie and Lincoln. He's free from all that pain and suffering and I have no doubt he was greeted in Heaven by those we love who have already passed. Love you Ash and Uncle Al ❤️

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Winston Maddox
4/8/2016 10:25:06 pm

Ashley, your memorial is so full of grace and mercy that it takes my breath away. Its beauty lies in the strong love of Christ, the certain hope of the resurrection, and the enduring legacy of love for a man and his daughter in spite of life's circumstances. I never knew your Dad but now know that I have of glimpse of him whenever I see you. God be with you till we meet again. Let me know how I might pray for you, Tim, Adeline and Lincoln. Love you all, Winston

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Stephanie Tolnai
4/9/2016 12:58:55 pm

Ashley, I am so sorry you and Travis have to experience this loss. He was very lucky to have such wonderful children.That was a lovely tribute. You will all be in our thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Stephanie & Scott

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Corby Larocca
4/10/2016 01:05:57 pm

Dear Ashley, Travis and family,
I’m so sorry for your loss. This was such a thoughtful, sweet memorial to Uncle Al. You did a beautiful job Ashley. Some of my favorite memories of Uncle Al are from our Beach Haven trip. I posted some of the pictures on the obituary site. I also loved hearing about stories growing up in Arizona like when Uncle Al would bring me a little chic on Easter or swimming together in the backyard pool:) Please know that you are always in our thoughts and prayers especially during this difficult time.
Love Always,
Corby and Mike

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Tim Ashcraft
4/11/2016 07:47:20 pm

I am forever grateful to the man who gave me his blessing to marry his amazing daughter. Now that we have a daughter of our own, I truly understand the deep and profound meaning that blessing had on me forever.
Some of my favorite memories with Al include:
- finally meeting someone who was more competitive at board games than me
- finally meeting someone who was a better actor than me
- finally meeting someone that could tell a better and longer story than me
- Friday night dinners with the Ross family
- he made a great cup of coffee
- when he insisted on carrying our 50+ lb suitcase up the stairs (despite his bad back) whenever Ashley and I traveled home
- swapping Army stories (aka lies)
- talking sports, especially football
- his love for dogs, to include preparing the finest culinary dishes for his canine friends
- that he endured a long and painful flight across the country to walk Ashley down the aisle
- when he met his grandchildren for the first time and how they loved the mutual presence of one other

Because of Al, I have seen the hands and feet of God at work through Ashley. It goes without saying that I hit the Christian man's lottery in marrying Ashley, but I admit that I don't know if I could have exhibited her same strength and faith. Despite the trials, she chose to love her earthly father the way her Heavenly Father did. When I would have been skeptical, she was Biblical. When I would have been frustrated, she was forgiving. I think it goes to show that God doesn't work in mysterious ways - He knows exactly what He's doing.

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Jean Schultz
4/14/2016 05:23:31 pm

Ashley your Father would have been so proud to hear all the wonderful memories He left with you. One of my favorite memories are the calls to our Mother. He always had her laughing so hard at His crazy stories. Please know You,Travis and your Mom are in our thoughts and prayers. Look forward to spending time with you on the east coast. Love Aunt Jean and Uncle Harry

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